HOW TO NOT SPAM YOUR FRIENDS

I'm the first to admit that I love an internet quiz. Which Sex and the City character are you? (Miranda) Where should you live? (Ireland) What's your true calling? (Hero) Sure, they may be ridiculous, poorly-written, and an all-around waste of time, but I love 'em.

What I don't love is getting spammed every time one of my friends fills out a quiz on Facebook. What I hate even more is having to spam my own friends just to find out which comic book superhero I most identify with.

So, in the spirit of sharing and saving us all from unnecessary application invites, I give you:

HOW NOT TO SPAM YOUR FRIENDS WHEN FILLING OUT A FACEBOOK QUIZ - THE TUTORIAL

When you first click on a link to fill out one of those quizzes, you get a window asking to "allow access" for the application. That's because each and every one of these quizzes is its own application that needs access to your facebook account, mainly so they can spam your friends. First, you gotta grant them access:



Now, BEFORE YOU FILL OUT THE QUIZ, click on "Settings --> Application Settings" in your menu bar:



Now, find the application/quiz you just added in the list, and click on "Edit Settings":



A settings window will pop up. Now you can choose when "stories" get published by this application. A "story" is the item in your news feed that says "Laura took the yadda yadda yadda quiz and she should be a whatever. Take your own quiz now!" If you want the option to publish your results in your news feed, click on "Prompt me..." If you don't want anything published in your wall, click "Never publish..." (I highly recommend "Never publish.."):



Click "Okay" and then you can go back to the quiz and find out which M&Ms flavor you'd be, or whatever.

Finally, after you answer all the poorly-conceived questions, the application prompts you to choose a bunch of friends to "invite" to take the quiz. This is actually spam. All reputable applications let you skip this step, but it's usually in really small type:



Now you can find out what Greek goddess you are or what your leprechaun name would be without spamming your friends or announcing your results to the whole world -- at least without your permission.

It's raining, it's pouring

It's also snowing in the mountains and desert.



Enjoy the winter weather while it lasts, SoCal!

Gmail is all pretty

Yeah, this is off-topic, but I thought I'd just let people know that Gmail is now supporting new themes -- yes, your Gmail can be pretty now, without the aid of an additional plug in. Check their blog for details.

I'm currently sporting the "Tree" theme, in case you were wondering.

And if you don't see the "Themes" options in your Gmail settings, it may not be rolled out to you yet. Don't fret - Google says you'll be getting it within a couple days.

Second City and i/O Theatre Make a Video

PICO IS OFF HIATUS - NEWS ROUND UP

Photo by Neal

-Christine Zeimba for LAist could not be more accurate if she tried. Check out How to Ruin a Once Promising TV Series where she breaks down why Heroes is sucking it up lately. Seriously writers, I did not honk in solidarity at the picket line on Pico so that you guys could go back and write crap. Pull it together.

- I love that Yahoo Movies has posted the 10 Most Biographically Incorrect Movies. I also love that #1 is A Beautiful Mind. I'm so tired of hearing that people actually liked this movie. It gives me nothing but pleasure to share the following items about Nash:

"was arrested in a Santa Monica men's room on "moral charges," and made numerous un-P.C. remarks over the years about various minority groups. More flagrantly, the hallucinations Nash suffered in real life were entirely auditory, not visual. And Nash's big, weepy Nobel Prize acceptance speech at the end? He never gave one. "

And that my friends is what vindication tastes like.

- I always knew The Bee Gees had magical powers.

-Also look what iwriteplays made she really is very crafty.

MY KIND OF DINNER PARTY

Here at Pico we try to avoid commenting on political controversy, mostly because A) we’re lazy B) it’s in our mission statement and C) it’s over by the time we get around to noticing such controversy exists. So we respectfully decline to comment on the cover of a particular literary magazine that's been buried under a pile of our mail for about 2 weeks. Fist-thumping Muslims aside, we were thrilled to discover (albeit a bit belatedly and from our favorite porcelain reading chair) that there are some real gems to be discovered within the pages of that very same issue.

To Wit: Best. Dinner Party Idea. Ever.

We especially like #4 and #7, and plan to try one (or both) in the very near future. As pretty much everyone who reads us ends up at our house for dinner sooner or later, accept this as your warning that dog biscuits may be on the menu in the very near future.

#14 is of course, our favorite. Does anyone out there remember the “Syphilis is back” poster ads that graced bus stops along La Brea Avenue last year? Those much-needed PSAs are much missed in our hood. Apropos of well, nothing, and for lack of a better segue from food-borne illnesses to STDs, we proudly present dessert.

Happy Tuesday, y'all.

PS: Just in case you've yet to sort through the mail or read all of mid-July's political commentary, here's that pesky cover. Don't say we never gave you anything.

PPS: special thanks to photogenius K for the lead shot. Yep, it's dog food.

INSPIRATION FROM SHANGHAI

It's Tuesday afternoon and the boss is away. After reading my favorite new blog (www.ispyshanghai.com - well not new but new to me) I decided to tape lips to my shoes to pass the time. It worked. I might add some eyes tomorrow to go with the lips.

The post that started it is here.

I highly recommend James's Shoe Tuesday posts. Archive that shit.

iPHONE TOUR OF THE SIMPSONS RIDE

Last week, I celebrated my birthday by going on the brand-new The Simpsons-themed ride at Universal Studios, Hollywood. I had my iPhone with me, so I took a few pictures. I'm a bit distracted by this thing my boss likes to call "work," so this is just going to be a quick-and-dirty review—don't expect Shakespeare.



Here's the entrance to the ride. Being a huge The Simpsons nerd, I found the whole environment a bit too good to be true.



While you wait in line, they play clips from the show (most notably, from the episode "Itchy & Scratchy Land") mixed in with new cartoons designed for the ride. One of the new bits features Cletus the slack-jawed yokel and his posse of children explaining how they cut costs at amusement parks by sneaking in food molded to look like "extra youngin's." (It's funnier in person.)





Once you get through the maze and actually get inside the building, the waiting areas are designed to be a "midway" featuring Patty, Selma, Apu, Willy, and (my personal favorite) Hans Moleman.



They have advertisements for Krustyland rides and attractions rotating on screens throughout the midway. My favorite was for "The Hall of Secretaries of the Interior" (clearly a spoof on the "Hall of Presidents" at Disney World), which advertised a waiting time of "0 minutes!"

After the midway, you get ushered eight at a time to a holding room where Itchy & Scratchy explain the safety rules of the ride (wherein Scratchy gets multiple limbs severed) and you learn the premise of the ride... no spoilers here, but it involves Sideshow Bob.

Park rules mandated that I couldn't take any pictures during the ride itself (not that I'd want to risk dropping my precious iPhone during the ride), but I will say that it's pretty awesome. It's one of those "simulated motion" rides where you're in a car that moves, while the action is projected onto an 80-foot screen in front of you. The ride was only mildly nauseating, and if you do start feeling ill you can always close your eyes. It's also a multisensory experience: depending on what's going on in the ride, you get sprinkled with water and get exposed to different scents. The writers for the ride did a good job making it funny (and full of Simpsons in-jokes), which should make it worth riding more than once.



At the end of the ride, you can even get autographs with the Simpson family!

WHY GOOGLE MAPS RULES MY WORLD

Let's say you get into a heated debate about where to find the best ice cream in Los Angeles. You think Scoops is the most delicious ice cream in not just L.A., but the whole wide world. Your misinformed friend, however, thinks Diddy Riese is superior because you can get an ice cream sandwich for a buck-fifty. As your argument over the relative merits of brown bread ice cream versus two freshly-baked cookies becomes more heated, you decide the only way to resolve this debate is to jump in the car and sample both varieties for yourself.

Right now, at 5:15pm on a Wednesday, this is what your trip would look like:



Not so pretty. The 405 and the 110 will make you want to cry, and then you'll be in a bad mood for ice cream.

Now this is why Google Maps is awesome for an Angeleno. They've added a function where you can check average traffic conditions for any day of the week, between the hours of 5 AM and 9 PM. This way you can find an optimal time to go on your ice cream adventure:







I'd choose Tuesday at lunchtime, wouldn't you?

This new function is perfectly designed for the traffic-addled residents of Los Angeles. Bravo, Google. Bravo.

P.S. The aforementioned ice cream debate is clearly fictional, as everyone knows that Scoops has the best ice cream on the planet.

PICO NEWS ROUND UP - PLACES YOU NEED TO BE

Shecky's Bitches! - As always I'll be attending this event with my ladies in tow, and most likely bitching about it the next day. DENIM!! Who do I have to kill to get a damn denim dealer at this event.

NFL in City of Industry? - The City of Industry is only good for seedy strip joints, if they are going to give us a stadium (which they are not) can't they put it in . . . I don't know. . . LOS ANGELES!!! (Laist.com)


I was totally going to tell everyone about the LA Cupcake Challenge but it's sold out on Goldstar.

BORROWERS UNITE!

Photo by Seth Gaines

Have you heard the shocking news, fellow Angelenos? The L.A. Public Library is strapped for cash. No, that's not the shocking part. The bombshell is that LAPL is planning to charge $1 for all inter-branch loans starting July 1st.

One dollar isn't all that much money, you say. Why shouldn't you pay for such a great service, you ask? The truth is that one dollar is prohibitively expensive for many Angelenos, especially school children and their families. Save The LA Public Library, the grass-roots group dedicated to stopping this fee from being introduced, puts it best:

Imagine children having to ask their parents' permission to order books they desperately want to read, and being told they can't request them, because gas prices are higher this week, or the rent has gone up, or mom has been laid off. Imagine a gifted student at a poorly performing high school unable to get books from the Advanced Placement reading list they need to get themselves caught up with their peers in private prep schools. Imagine elderly people having to give up a lifetime habit of reading because they've exhausted the selection of large print books in their local branch. All of these sad imaginings could become reality on July 1st, unless you speak up now and help Save LAPL.

Photo by library mistress

Are you crying yet? The part about the elderly people not being able to read kills me. I could be that elderly person one day, and I need books to survive. I really do. LAPL, please don't take away my books!

So, what can you do to stop this from happening? Go to savelapl.org to find out how to add your voice to the uproar!

(News via Chicken Corner.)

HOW TO SAVE THE PLANET, FEEL MORALLY SUPERIOR, AND GET SOME EXTRA READING DONE

Photo by Thomas Hawk.

This morning I did something completely ordinary and mundane that somehow made me feel special and unique: I took public transportation to work.

Now, in most major urban centers, taking the bus or train to work is common practice. Los Angeles is not like most major cities. Most people have their own cars, so public transportation is generally relegated to the license-less. There's even a stigma associated with riding the bus. When I mentioned to some co-workers that I was considering taking the bus and subway to work, the most common response was "why in the world would you want to do that?"

REASON #1 - MONEY: As I filled up my gas tank for $3.70/gallon yesterday, I was reminded just how expensive it is to drive these days. The average price of regular gas in L.A. today is $3.78. That's up from $3.30 a year ago, and 17 cents more than just a month ago. My commute is 17.2 miles round trip, and even though my little Honda Civic gets anywhere from 28-35 miles/gallon, my gas costs per day are at least $2.25. Add in car maintenance and insurance, and the driving cost per day is anywhere from $6.15 to $14.75 (see AAA's 2008 driving costs). An unlimited day pass for the L.A. Metro is $5. A monthly pass is $62. You do the math.


Photo by vgm8383.

REASON #2 - CONVENIENCE: My bus stop is less than a half-block from my apartment.The Universal City Metro stop (red line) is actually closer to my office than the garage I'm required to park in. How's that for irony? Taking the Metro actually requires less walking than driving myself. It only took 25 minutes to get from point to point, which is slightly longer than my morning commute usually takes, but significantly less than the hour or more I spend driving myself home.

REASON #3 - FEELING SUPERIOR: Wanna get in good with Al Gore and Leonardo DiCaprio? Going green is all the rage these days, haven't you heard? While I'm still holding out to spot Leo at the Vermont and Santa Monica Metro station, it's true that our little planet needs some TLC, and every car we get off the road helps. Plus, you can feel good about helping fund a public works project that makes Los Angeles a better place to live.

REASON #4 - LOOKING AT SOMETHING OTHER THAN THE ROAD In my opinion, this is the best reason to ride the Metro instead of driving. On the bus and train, I can use my eyes to look at anything I please, whether it be a book, a video on my iPhone, or that hot guy across the way. When I drive my car, this is all I see:


Photo by The Infamous Gdub.

The most conspicuous thing about taking the Metro today was how empty it was. My bus had about 10 people on it. The train's seats were mostly full, but it was by no means crowded. And this was rush hour. The whole experience was very easy, quick, convenient, and stress-free.

Go Metro!

MR. JONES: THE BEAVER THAT GOT AROUND

A EULOGY IN TWO PARTS



Some of you may have had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Jones, probably on the road somewhere, traveling between cities, posing by landmarks. Born in November at the Portland Market, he became a traveling companion for iwriteplays and me. This beaver got around. He hit up the Northwest, crossing borders between Oregon and Washington, then flying back to California. More recently, Mr. Jones with his big brown eyes and sassy smile joined us for a cross country drive, making his way through fifteen new states. His upbeat personality and comforting presence got us through long days of driving, and lonely nights in cheap motels. In West Texas, he shared a milkshake with iwriteplays, and he pointed out some scenic landscapes for photos as we drove through the desert.

Mr. Jones was a benevolent beaver, who made friends wherever he went. But while iwriteplays and I considered him a necessary part of every trip from the time we adopted him, he decided once he reached the East coast, it was time to strike out on his own. So as we rushed to catch a train from Stamford, CT into NYC, he rolled himself out of the car, and hid nearby until we were gone. From that point on, I can only hypothesize his moves, but I assume he made his way to the woods, sought out some well maintained beavers, and began a whole new adventure for himself. I fully expect to see a spike in the New England beaver population next season.

Goodbye, Mr. Jones. You were a great companion, but I respect your need for more space and your fear of spending further months stuck in one place until your friends decide travel again. Good luck in your new adventures. We wish you the best.

-Panda

---

Panda is being a bit too generous in her description of our last night with Mr. Jones. I am wracked with guilt, and I have a confession to make. I killed Mr. Jones.

It wasn't intentional. He was sitting on my lap, and we were so late for the train! He must have slipped out of the car when I rushed to grab my bag and run to the platform. I didn't mean to leave him. I loved the little guy, after all. It was accidental beaverslaughter, or beavercide in the third degree, at best.

In an attempt to atone for my crime, I have compiled a little photo essay from his travels. (Imagine Sarah MacLachlan's "I Will Remember You" playing in the background.) One thing we can all agree on: this beaver got around!


Mr Jones in West Texas, which is certainly no country for old beavers.


Drinking milkshakes in West Texas.


On top of the Space Needle in Seattle, Mt. Rainer in the background.


Having a latte at the original Starbucks.


Taking over Multnomah Falls in Oregon.


Driving through the bayou.


Mr. Jones and me, look into the future...

Rest in peace, little guy.

GARY GYGAX SAVED YOUR LIFE

by Mr. N.

It’s true even for all you “cool” people who have no idea who Gary Gygax is, he saved your lives. You “cool” folks are probably asking: How did some asshole who I’ve never heard of saved my life? He was the co-creator of Dungeons and Dragons, now your next question is how the fuck did Dungeons and Dragons save my life? That shits for dorks and I never played it. Well, when you “cool” kids were going “outside” and playing “sports’ or going to “parties” and getting “laid” us social outcasts were sitting in our rumpus rooms around a table playing D &D.

You are probably still wondering how this pertains to your life being saved. D & D gave us sexually and socially frustrated misfits some sort of outlet for our rage rather than opening up on you assholes with a high powered, magazine fed, semiautomatic rifle at the Sadie Hawkins dance. It’s simple as that; if we weren't casting magic missiles at the Goblin Lord we would have been casting Molotov cocktail into the gym class. The more time we spent our time planning the perfect adventure or re writing our character sheets was less time for us to be planning the best sniper location to shoot into the quad.

I find a corollary between the fall in popularity of D & D and the rise of school shootings. So show some god damn respect, perhaps a national holiday. You will be missed Mr. Gygax, may all your rolls be natural 20’s, goodnight sweet prince.

DOES THIS WOMAN LOOK PREGNANT TO YOU?

While the general lack of etiquette and manners on the part of all humans continues to astound our gentle sensibilities, there is nothing more appalling to us than the "baby bump" phenomenon that seems to have afflicted all celebrity news outlets of late, from print to cyberspace. It's become so widespread that it appears to be spreading to non-celebrities, perhaps the result of general ignorance on behalf of the public at large and general affinity for chocolate, wine, and other fine foodstuffs on behalf of the victim.

For the purposes of blogging anonymously, let's just say that we have a friend in the business, by which we mean not hollywood, but another "business" that requires much wining and dining and not nearly as much dieting. Well, no dieting at all, to be exact. The occupational hazard of said business just happens to be the equivalent of the freshman 15...only it doesn't exactly go away when you're working 60+ hours a week and traveling to exotic locations where people bend over backwards to feed you 7-course dinners.

Said friend has been asked multiple times in the last six weeks if she is expecting. "Expecting to eat?" she replies, coyly trying to suck it in for all she's worth. The embarrassed interrogator usually changes the subject at that point, to the weather or some other asinine topic that has nothing to do with reproduction, but the damage has been done. For the record, said friend has now abandoned all blousy shirts in her wardrobe, no longer leaves the house without her trusty Spanx on, and has made considerable efforts in proper posture and ab positioning techniques, but to no avail. Tonight someone asked her, YET AGAIN, if this is her first baby.

WHY DO PEOPLE THINK IT'S OKAY TO ASK A WOMAN, ANY WOMAN, IF SHE IS PREGNANT/EXPECTING/ FOR HER DUE DATE?

NOTA BENE: UNLESS YOU SEE A CHILD CROWNING FROM BETWEEN HER LEGS, ASSUME SHE'S GOT FUPA ISSUES AND MOVE ON.

And that, people, is your friendly public service announcement for the day.

Apparently Gary Gygax is dead . . . .

Mr. N: Gary Gygax died :(

K: who?

Mr. N: creator of dungeons and dragons

K: dude, you are so lucky you're already married and will have guaranteed ass for life

Mr. N: :(

K: why do you even know his name?

Mr. N: I am seriously bummed
well when you read his books for like 15 years.....

K: I read The Babysitter's Club series for like 8 years and I don't even remember the author

Mr. N: yeah but that shit’s lame

K: I'm bitting my tongue right now

Mr. N: come on you know dnd is way cooler than babysiters club

K: I don't know dude, there was this one book where Mary-Anne found a ghost in the attic and . . . compelling!

Mr. N: did they ever get lezbo with each other?

K: sadly no, if they had I would still be reading them

Mr. N: i might be too, is that creepy?

K: nah

Mr. N: I am seriously thinking about taking a half day to pull myself together

K: wait, for reals? Wow, you really are shaken up

Mr. N: dude this really makes me sad

K: maybe you should go be with robbie right now

Mr. N: I should call him... (he was only 69 years old homie)

K: yeah, he might want to hear it from you

Mr. N: he prolly doesn’t even know yet

K: probably not

Mr. N: its like i heard 10 million nerds cry out all at once, then vanish...

Congrats, Cohens!

In honor of No Country for Old Men and all its shiny new Oscar statuettes:



(At the corner of Rampart and Temple in Los Angeles.)

JAPANESE PSA MEETS EXERCISE VIDEO

Apparently in Japan, they teach the ladies how to deal with potential muggings in America via exercise! Ingenious.

OUT AND ABOUT

OR, "WHY I LOVE LOS ANGELES THIS WEEKEND"

K and I had hoped to attend a party in honor of the "Y: The Last Man" comic books at Meltdown Comics on Friday evening, but realized our chances of getting in were close to nil. We were a bit disappointed because, in addition to the authors Brian Vaughn and Pia Guerra being in attendance, the keynote speaker was Joss Whedon, of Buffy and Angel fame. I love Joss Whedon. Really. I do. Even more than Lukas Haas. But we had no tickets and couldn't wait in line all day for a chance "standing room only" ticket (damn those jobs!), so we decided to throw in the towel and just meet up for drinks later on.

My brother, Jeff arrived in town on Friday night, and I decided to show him the town. We went to Elf Cafe in my lovely neighborhood, Echo Park, and had the most fabulous vegetarian meal you can imagine. Everything was delicious, especially the saffron pudding with orange-blossom syrup and pistachios:



We then went to meet up with K, Mr. N, and some other folks at Coach & Horses in Hollywood. Jeff and I got in with no problems, but about five minutes after we arrived, I got a call from K saying she was stuck outside because there was a line to get in. K and Mr. N had never seen a line at C&H, and they are regulars, so this was a very strange ocurrence. I poked my head outside to pow-wow with them, and K pointed out that Brian Vaughn was standing about five feet from us. Well, that's weird, we think. He must have come here after the party. I headed back inside, and soon got a text from K that read:

Dude! Joss Whedon is out here!

Then, as if on cue, Brian Vaughn and Joss Whedon enter the bar. I was giddy. My brother found this amusing. Not much later, K and Mr. N were allowed in, and we discussed the strange serendipity of the situation. Then Joss Whedon walked by and I gathered all my courage and asked for a photo with him. He was very nice about it! I would post it on here, but I am vain and I think I look less-than-awesome in the photo, so you're just going to have to take my word for it.

We played some touchy porn and successfully got the jukebox to play our songs before closing time. It was great. Then we went home and slept.

The next day, I met my friend Steve at Intelligentsia in Silverlake. They have the best lattes in L.A., and you can quote me on that. Just look:



I lent him my sewing machine and we talked about his website and people who have lame boyfriends. Then, I took Jeff to Scoops, where we had the following flavors of ice cream: earl grey and lemongrass; brie and artichoke; and olive oil and vanilla sea salt. It was delicious. Walking around with our ice cream, Jeff and I discovered this cool mural off Melrose:



Back at home, I cut Jeff's hair on my patio. Did I mention that it was about 80 degrees in L.A. this weekend? It was ridiculously gorgeous.

With newly-short hair, Jeff and I went to meet Amanda at the Chinese New Year Celebration in Chinatown. And, yes, I did at some point say, "forget it, Jeff, it's Chinatown." I was the only one who thought it was funny. We arrived in time to catch the end of the parade where they set off more firecrackers than you've ever seen in your life all at once. Apparently dragons like firecrackers, observe:



We were getting pelted with the exploded casings and it was louder than a jet engine, but it was good times. Then Jeff and Amanda went into the bouncy castle and realized they were too old when they were tired after a mere five minutes of jumping. Then we saw some cool Chinese acrobats. Then we left to walk back to Amanda's car.

Walking through downtown L.A., I came across this one-stop shop for all your marital needs:



There were actually people in there with wedding dresses on, waiting to walk down the aisle. I didn't see any couples preparing for divorce, but Amanda suggested they should walk backwards down the aisle to make it official.

Jeff popped in to a Ritmo Latino store to look for some music and I found the Bill Clinton book, seemingly miscategorized:



Or was it?

Then we went to the Universal Citywalk, 'cause as an NBC employee I could a) park for free in my work garage and b) get discounts at all kinds of restaurants and bars. We ate, saw Juno, then went home and slept.

It was one of those weekends that reminds me why I love Los Angeles so much. There's a never-ending supply of stuff to do, places to go, and people to see. All that and it's 80 degrees in February.

IT NEVER RAINS IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

-There's some kind of low pressure system thing coming from somewhere and whatever it is . . . it's here.

- At certain Subways when it's raining you can buy one get one free (plus a drink). You gotta check first though cuz they don't all do it.

- Pare Umbrela has some cool ones.

- Raindogs sells some pretty cool stuff (and I'm not even holding it against them that they left LA for greener pastures)

NOTE: "It Never Rains in Southern California" was actually released in 1972 by some douche named Albert Hammond, but was done right in 1992 by Tony, Toni Tone!