While the general lack of etiquette and manners on the part of all humans continues to astound our gentle sensibilities, there is nothing more appalling to us than the "baby bump" phenomenon that seems to have afflicted all celebrity news outlets of late, from print to cyberspace. It's become so widespread that it appears to be spreading to non-celebrities, perhaps the result of general ignorance on behalf of the public at large and general affinity for chocolate, wine, and other fine foodstuffs on behalf of the victim.
For the purposes of blogging anonymously, let's just say that we have a friend in the business, by which we mean not hollywood, but another "business" that requires much wining and dining and not nearly as much dieting. Well, no dieting at all, to be exact. The occupational hazard of said business just happens to be the equivalent of the freshman 15...only it doesn't exactly go away when you're working 60+ hours a week and traveling to exotic locations where people bend over backwards to feed you 7-course dinners.
Said friend has been asked multiple times in the last six weeks if she is expecting. "Expecting to eat?" she replies, coyly trying to suck it in for all she's worth. The embarrassed interrogator usually changes the subject at that point, to the weather or some other asinine topic that has nothing to do with reproduction, but the damage has been done. For the record, said friend has now abandoned all blousy shirts in her wardrobe, no longer leaves the house without her trusty Spanx on, and has made considerable efforts in proper posture and ab positioning techniques, but to no avail. Tonight someone asked her, YET AGAIN, if this is her first baby.
WHY DO PEOPLE THINK IT'S OKAY TO ASK A WOMAN, ANY WOMAN, IF SHE IS PREGNANT/EXPECTING/ FOR HER DUE DATE?
NOTA BENE: UNLESS YOU SEE A CHILD CROWNING FROM BETWEEN HER LEGS, ASSUME SHE'S GOT FUPA ISSUES AND MOVE ON.
And that, people, is your friendly public service announcement for the day.
3.12.2008
DOES THIS WOMAN LOOK PREGNANT TO YOU?
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4 comments:
I learned this a long time ago from my mom. She made the mistake at my dad's work Christmas party and was mortified. Since then, I just don't say anything. I usually don't even notice a change. I knew a girl and didn't even know she was 7 months pregnant until she announced it. I'd see her once a month (during the whole time she was pregnant) and only believed her when she lifted her baggy sweater.
Last week, I saw my cousin and his wife and thought to myself, "is she pregnant?" I didn't say anything, but he proudly mentioned it as soon as he got the chance.
This post wins the award for best image to demonstrate a concept.
Nothin' says pregnancy like double-fisting Thunderbird and Night Train.
What about saying, "No, my complexion is just this glow-y all the time! Rocks to be me!"
it's okay to ask as people, especially men, can't think of anything else to say that isn't out of order. bad things to ask or say are:
- "will it talk in movie theaters?"
- "will it fit into my baby gun?"
- "mr n will be pissed if it's the black baby"
- "does this mean i'll never see you again?" (the "when is it due?" is a subtle variation on this)
- "is it okay to not invite you out, 'cause, basically, sober people scare the jeebus out of me"
and, of course, the classic:
- "shit. it ain't mine, is it?"
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