3.13.2008

GARY GYGAX SAVED YOUR LIFE

by Mr. N.

It’s true even for all you “cool” people who have no idea who Gary Gygax is, he saved your lives. You “cool” folks are probably asking: How did some asshole who I’ve never heard of saved my life? He was the co-creator of Dungeons and Dragons, now your next question is how the fuck did Dungeons and Dragons save my life? That shits for dorks and I never played it. Well, when you “cool” kids were going “outside” and playing “sports’ or going to “parties” and getting “laid” us social outcasts were sitting in our rumpus rooms around a table playing D &D.

You are probably still wondering how this pertains to your life being saved. D & D gave us sexually and socially frustrated misfits some sort of outlet for our rage rather than opening up on you assholes with a high powered, magazine fed, semiautomatic rifle at the Sadie Hawkins dance. It’s simple as that; if we weren't casting magic missiles at the Goblin Lord we would have been casting Molotov cocktail into the gym class. The more time we spent our time planning the perfect adventure or re writing our character sheets was less time for us to be planning the best sniper location to shoot into the quad.

I find a corollary between the fall in popularity of D & D and the rise of school shootings. So show some god damn respect, perhaps a national holiday. You will be missed Mr. Gygax, may all your rolls be natural 20’s, goodnight sweet prince.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Gary Gygax is the dude in the glasses in the back. Futurama Rules! -Mr. N

N said...

Told you he'd still be talking about it for weeks...

Dahoud said...

That dude in the background looks like a porn director...creepy and old with a ponytail. I would like to honor the man's life, not because he was great (he wasn't), but because he gave us normal kids a group of outcasts to laugh at. Thanks Gary, you made the jokes flow like water.

-K said...

Dahoud - I sort of thought the same thing, but after that thing we watched the other night, he would have to be British to be a porn director ;)