10.21.2007

POSTCARDS FROM THE FAR EAST--Part One: Vaginoplasty

For reasons of familiar and historical obligation, we here at Pico sometimes find ourselves in the outer reaches of the universe that is LA County, in the part of the world known as the IE (for Inland Empire) or 909 (for the dominating area code for most of the area). Parts of the 626 and 714 also apply, though they are loath to admit it. The part we tend to frequent is not as completely void of culture and civilization as rumor might have you believe, but there is a rather large quota of monster trucks and Jesus-fish stickers. There's also mountain vistas and plenty of free parking. Some things, however, do tend to remind us that we, indeed, are not in Kansas anymore. Or, rather, we are in Kansas, just in a strange David Lynch version of it. Anyway, we hereby introduce the first of what we promise to be an ongoing series of missives from the far eastern provinces of LA County, called Postcards From the Far East:

First Postcard: Vaginoplasty. Also known as "Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation." Yes, you heard it here first. While we realize this is not limited to the 909, and that in fact, this practice probably began (as indicated on the billboard) in parts much farther west, such as, say, Beverly Hills, or Malibu, those places aren't exactly putting up billboards for it. The sad part is, that in the IE, keeping up with the Joneses usually means keeping up with the folks in BH and all the things they were doing 2 years ago. But while it may be de riguer in Beverly Hills to have your vag rejuvenated back to adolescent splendor, no one in the IE finds out until it's advertised for miles.

Please excuse the low-res of version of our cell phone photo, but on-the-fly journalists that we are, we are limited by the equipment at hand. Here's a much more scenic version:

Here's a fun 909 factoid for all the geography-buffs in the room: that"s Mt Baldy (or Mt. San Antonio) directly behind the middle telephone pole. It's the lowest peak in the photo, but it's actually one of the highest peaks in the western US at 10,064 feet. Special prize for the first person to identify what parking lot of ill-repute we had to pull into to get this shot.

7 comments:

-K said...

I know the parking lot you speak of. In fact I can recall purchasing something there that is legendary (in it's own right).

N said...

Ah, yes, it was bicephalous, was it not?

cindylu said...

Wait, what part of the 626 would be considered part of the IE?

-K said...

Technically the western most city of the IE is Montclair. However, I would argue that La Verne, Glendora, and West Covina (all in the "San Gabriel Valley") are more IE than SGV.

Personally, I don't think any parts of the 714 apply. But that's the beauty of the it, no two people's IE is the same.

David said...

I only know the parking lot because K told me. But I have passed by it many a time on my way to In-N-Out.

N said...

I consider Glendora, San Dimas and Azusa (all 626) the IE. I think it's open to interpretation--the IE is both a state of mind and a place (note David Lynch's most recent film, "Inland Empire"). Portions of Chino Hills and San Bernadino County are 714, and I consider them IE. I think the bigger question is just how far does the IE go? Does Corona count? Riverside? Everything in between? We may have to put together a field trip to discover unchartered IE territory...

cindylu said...

Phew. I'm just glad you didn't consider my hometown part of the IE.

Just don't do the field trip in the middle of fire season.