8.19.2007

GUIDE TO ENTERTAINING A NORTHERN IRISHMAN IN LA

Friday
1. Put him to work by having him coach your soccer team. Two days later while trying to prepare them for their game you will inevitably have to field questions about where exactly Ireland is and how exactly do you know him.

2. Take him to Indian food as he is a vegetarian (I know it's an anomaly), then take him next door to the Coach & Horses. Have Mr. & Mrs. N meet you because there is no point in going to the C&H without them.

3. Make him drive you home when you're smashed, with promises of Sumo Wrestling the next day.

Saturday
1. Wake up at 9:30am ready to see fat guys wrestle each other. By 11:00am realize that N is never gonna get up on time, and take him to El Chollo in downtown (Mexicans are friends of the vegetarian, when they get your order right).

2. Drive him around downtown saying things that make you sound like a pompous ass such as, "the downtown area is going through a revitalization right now, it's very exciting, that building over there is being turned into Lofts!"

3. Take him on a Charles Bukowski bus tour of LA.

4. Go to Pete's for dinner.

5. Attempt to get from Pete's to Scoops and get lost, all the while singing Blaze of Glory at embarrassing volumes.

6. Frolic Room, then decide to seek out karaoke. Pile 6 adults into a compact car that seats 5 (thanks again Jen!).

7. Hit up some bar called Blue something or other and the Brass Monkey and strike out on the karaoke front. (Sorry Andrew)

9. Finally, arrive at Jumbo's Clown Room, apologize profusely and make him swear to never tell your mutual friend that you took him there. (map)

Sunday
1. As he is now fully indoctrinated into the group he is required to attend Sunday dinner at Mr. & Mrs. N's.

2. Invite N's brother to throw a few insults in for good measure. Talk about horribly offensive stuff so he has the worst possible idea of Americans ever.

3. Pimp him out to take awesome photographs of your dog, like this one:

-K's dog

and this one:
N's dog

4. Watch Family Guy

5. Send him on his way confident in the knowledge that you have a new friend and you out drank an Irishman (granted it wasn't his best day and he was driving, but it still counts)

11 comments:

Sycz said...

soccer league in LA? I need one.

Anonymous said...

Trust me, when it comes to Graham, you never really out drink him, you may get a slight head start for next time, but that is the best you can hope for..it may well be a drinking competition, but believe me, it is a life long one....

dre

-K said...

I hope it is Dre, I hope it is. :)

g_12 said...

i can also out-chronic anyone you bring forth...

-K said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
-K said...

I think Graham needs this shirt

http://www.palmercash.com/product.asp?3=1080

Anonymous said...

Fear Me

Anonymous said...

We should feel bad about the Buk tour though. It was basically looking at condemned buildings and parking lots where shit used to be. He did get a crash course on Los Angeles area gang signs, however.
- The Natred

-K said...

That and everything you ever wanted to know about SROs. I think N and I were playing rock, paper, scissors for that part.

Baloogle said...

From N's brother Every Person should appreciate the Irony that an Irishman that is a Vegetarian and his primary form of sustenance is potatoes is very funny... And in the future I prefer Baloogle a much more regal title...

David said...

Amazing pictures of the dogs. I need a private photo shoot with my dog...