IF YOU COULD READ MY MIND...

We've all known for years that our manicurists secretly talk about us behind our backs, and that whenever they giggle, or shout, or speak swiftly in varying tones, they are most likely referring to the stench of our feet, the horrifying, hairy length of our toes, the fat on our ass, or the general consensus that we never tip enough. Every person who's ever stepped foot into a nail salon knows it. So I wasn't surprised to finally see it in writing on a recent Saturday visit for my bi-weekly pedi. I just didn't think it would come from my favorite nail-lady, Wong, over at Co-Star Nails in West Hollywood (the one on Santa Monica, across from Whole Foods).

The truth hurts. But it won't keep me away from Co-Star for long: they do offer the cheapest, fastest, cleanest pedicure you'll find in this town. A little honesty could do us all some good.

********UPDATE 10/19***********
Fellow Angel-Eno LosAnjealous.com picked the above photo to headline the weekly From Blake's Phone list of craptastic cell phone photos. Go Pico!

Got Signal?

Finally, what all of us here in the land of gridlock have been waiting for: the ability to use our words, not just our fingers, for personal expression the moment inspiration strikes behind the wheel.

Problem is, for the sailor-mouthed drivers such as myself, inspiration often comes with expletives. Nice how the messages on the ad have banal little blatherings such as "Go Team" or "Hello." You know what we all really want to say is "Get some balls m*therf*cker!" to the folks who choose to drive in the center of the road, at 15 miles per hour no less, through all the little residential streets on my commute around Melrose, turning my shortcut into a slowcut. How about the friendly, but direct "Got Signal?" for all those nimwits who slam on their brakes for apparently no reason then make a breakneck turn without warning? Or, when they cut you off, and, in the language of the dark ages, flip the bird? I'll just click my little remote the scrolling letters will read: "My Corolla eats Bentleys for dinner!" or something clever...

Okay, so that gives us two more phrases to save in my hypothetical frame...comment back and let us know what your scrolling plate would read....Prize for the wittiest, I promise.